Archive | March, 2012

Asking for help

28 Mar

I have heard several times now, while wedding planning, that it is important to ask for help, and that when people offer help, to say yes. And yet, I almost did what the people giving this advice did (which is probably why they gave me the advice). Every few weeks during wedding planning I’ve had an evening or afternoon when I’ve gotten really overwhelmed. Usually it is a bit after completing a major task. After each of these, booking the venue, buying my dress, signing the catering contract, I’ll get a rush…”We are checking things off! We are making this happen!” And then comes the panic, “But there are so many more things to do! I thought I was checking something off but really I was just adding a million little things on!” For example, after our meeting with our new caterer, I was excited, but then I realized we now had to schedule a tasting, figure out the champagne situation, acquire a cake knife, figure out what our nieces want to eat, ETC.

A lot of people have offered to help with crafting. My major crafting project has been origami flowers and I’m actually almost done! Yay! I didn’t really want help with those anyway. It felt like a personal goal I had to meet. I wanted to say I folded all the flowers for our wedding. Also, I was reading in the APW book about different purposes of crafting, one of them being to keep your hands and mind busy while processing a major life transition, and I think the flowers have served that role for me. When I finish those, the boutonnieres and place settings might fill in, but I am not as emotionally attached to those so I may end up asking for help.

Other people, though, have told me to tell them how they can help in general. And until now, I hadn’t asked them to do anything, as the major things felt like things I needed to do alone or with Jared, and the smaller things didn’t feel like as big of a deal. Then I realized that if I ask for help with the smaller things, the ones that I don’t feel need my personal touch, or I’m not as emotionally invested in, the bigger things won’t seem as overwhelming. So I started by asking my sister if she would be responsible for making sure my attendants have ordered their dresses and shoes. And she said of course! So that’s one less thing I have to worry about. šŸ™‚ So now I have to think of some more things I can ask for help with. Here are my ideas so far:

  • Set up and clean up of the venue
  • Making sure the hotel accommodations are set
  • Decorating for the ceremony and reception
  • Addressing and stamping invitations

This will already make things easier. šŸ™‚

 

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On things being bad. And then pretty good again.

19 Mar

Things being the wedding planning. I can’t write a lot of details yet, because we don’t know all of how we’re going to handle it, but basically, our caterer turned out to be a scam artist and we ended up out $700 and a caterer. The few days after we found out sucked. I felt embarrassed and sad and angry, but also relieved that we found out now and not the day of the wedding (when he probably would have not shown up or shown up, dropped off a cold tray of veggies and a bag of lettuce, and left). When Jared called me, I very consciously focused on my breathing. Not just as an exercise, but because I needed to. I actually reacted better than he and my mom thought I would, largely because when he said, “This is really going to upset you,” my first thought was that someone was dead or in the hospital, and I was relieved it wasn’t something like that.Ā  But then in the few days after that, I went a little nuts, worrying about the rest of our vendors and decisions. I went back and forth between not wanting to do anything, wedding-related or otherwise…other than sleep, and freaking out about what would happen if the person I hired to do my makeup and hair didn’t show up. And I took a lot of that depression and anxiety out on my mom and Jared, which felt pretty awful too.

Things are getting better now though. We went to a meeting with another caterer, and they are more expensive than we were hoping, but there are lots of extras (reception coordination! tostada cup appetizers! a going away basket for the bride and groom with champagne, appetizers, sandwiches, and cake!) that are included. We made a master task list with a column for me and a column for Jer, so I can, at least theoretically, not stress out about the things on his side of the list. I am back to feeling pretty confident that the other vendors will follow through, and that if they don’t, it will be ok. Yesterday we went to look at men’s wear, and seeing Jared all dressed up made me happy and remember more what this is all about.

There’s still a lot to do and it is expensive and time consuming, but the important parts– that we are getting married and that people we love are going to be there to celebrate with us– are taken care of!