Being engaged when other people are breaking up

16 Feb

Offbeat Bride has a post about guests breaking up after your wedding, but  I already see it happening.  A couple weeks ago my younger sister, and maid of honor, called me in tears saying she thought she and her boyfriend were breaking up. They since definitely have. A friend from grad school called me a few days ago with similar news. And most recently, another bridesmaid sent me a text saying her not-official boyfriendish guy was officially out of her life because he had ignored her and gotten drunk with some woman. I guess the latest incident has been figured out, but that’s not what I’m writing about. I don’t think it’s because of the reasons OBB describes (at least mostly…it could play a role in my sister’s). My friends aren’t around me enough that our upcoming wedding would make them think any more than usual about commitment. I’m still not sure exactly how to best respond to it though.

My first instinct is to feel flattered that my sister and friends feel comfortable enough to share their breakups with me even though I’m wedding planning. Hopefully that means I’m not being obnoxious about it. But it still feels pretty weird to be asking them about their relationships falling apart and then, in a break in the conversation, to hear, “So how’s wedding planning?” I have kind of brushed the question off or given a short answer. I know that they genuinely care about how it’s going though, so how can I talk about it in a way that doesn’t come across as rubbing it in their face? It’s made me realize that I feel a little bit strangely guilty about being wedding planning anyway. I need to work on sharing my joy in a way that makes me feel like I’m really SHARING it and not bragging about it or something.

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One Response to “Being engaged when other people are breaking up”

  1. Barbra February 17, 2012 at 2:42 pm #

    I think just the fact that you’re thinking about this shows that your care, that you’re not just bragging. Also, for me, waiting for them to ask is always a good strategy. I trust my friends not to ask if they really don’t want to talk about it.
    I’ve been through a similar thing before. My boyfriend and I decided to buy a house and had started looking just as my best friend’s father died. I was so happy and excited and felt so weird talking about it, but she said it was nice to remember that other people were happy. It reminded her that she would be happy again.
    So, don’t feel guilty. If they ask, it’s probably because they genuinely want to share in your joy!

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